Sometimes it feels that I’m in this no man’s land where there are two opposing pools.  One of those I would love to go out with and share the world with and on the other hand the obtainable.  Finding someone who’s in both camps is depressingly.  Should I lower my aspirations and go for the obtainable rather than for what I aspire?

When someone doesn’t notice you it can be hard especially, when you hear that they’re out looking for someone.  Why don’t they notice me?  Do I need to wear a t-shirt saying Choose Me! or take to camping outside their house with a sandwich board boasting I’m the man you’re looking for, let me rescue you just to be even considered?  Just because I am already considered a friend does this put me out of the running to begin with?  Then there is the fate where the go out with someone who you think why them not me?  Why go out with that total jerk just like the previous jerk that you went out with and then she disappears out of your life and leaves you with.

I hope you understand but I want to spend more time with xxxx

Next step is that she marries him and the good times that you had are a fading memory.  The reason given for going for me was that she didn’t feel that she was good enough.  If that’s the case I’m pretty stuck if someone who I spent many hours doing stuff with feels that way does that cut out everyone else.

With my uni friend Andy he knew his girlfriend Helen for year before they both asked each other out so I know it doesn’t have to be the case.  Why can’t something similar happen to me?

Is it the distance because I’m jumping around the country from one week to the next?  I’m only doing this because it seems that no one actually asks me to be anywhere.  If I just languish in Kent I’ll only end up spending the weekend sitting around.  Better in my view to get out there and see and do stuff rather than to disappear.  What are all the right moves?

Sometimes this quote from Hamlet springs to mind

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end

It has always been the case been for me that despite the pain and the anguish, I have always believed that there will be a better tomorrow.